From This Moment On

Hati terbuai mendengar lagu ni..From This Moment On by Shania Twain..
One of my favourite song, until now..

From this moment life has begun
From this moment you are the one
Right beside you is where I belong
From this moment on

From this moment I have been blessed
I live only for your happiness
And for your love I'd give my last breath
From this moment on

I give my hand to you with all my heart
Can't wait to live my life with you, can't wait to start
You and I will never be apart
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment on

You're the reason I believe in love
And you're the answer to my prayers from up above
All we need is just the two of us
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment
I will love you as long as I live
From this moment on

This song is not mainly for our lover..it can be dedicated to our child, baby, husband and parents..
The lyric touched my sensitive heart..to my husband, Arissa, Aqilah and baby inside:this song has so deep meaning to me..
From the moment my life begun as wife, mommy, mommy and mommy again..
I will keep on loving all of u as long as I live..

funny words

There are some few funny words comes from Arissa's mouth..It's weird yet still funny to hear. Dalam x sedar dia akan sebut gak perkataan tu walaupun dah diajar, bila terperasan dia akn betulkan balik..

baju angin

korang rasa baju jenis ape tu? adakah baju yg akan buat kita berangin/hangin/melayang2? atau bila pakainya kita rasa nk buang angin?hesh... actually maksudnya baju sejuk..tapi ntah dari mana asalnya dia dpt word tu, must be she heard from someone.hmmm..

tenok

bukan tenuk ye.. maksud dia 'tengok'

singgam

ape benda la ni ye..chewing gum ke?bukan.. maksud dia 'selotape' x tau mana dpt perkataan ni..tapi semlm dia ckp ngan abah(time abahnya betulkan ape yg dia ckp) ummi cakap singgam...ntah bila ummi ckp ntah..

kokanch

rasanya org boleh agak ape dia ni..one of her favourite cereal..coco crunch..mula2 x paham gak ape dia nak, sampai mengamuk la member.. byk lg tapi x ingat..nanti bila ingat ummi akan update ok!

kapal kubang
hahaha ni memang payah nak dibetulkan..tggu dia betul sendiri la ye..

perantin
apakah maksudnya itu?peranti kah (takkan dia tau ape peranti tu!)kantin kah?bukan....
ala..dia memang suka sgt kalau dapat tgk..kalau bawak tu bukan nk makan sgt, nk tgk perantin katanya...

barak
ishishish...apala anak ummi ni..nasib takde obama belakang word tu..tapi xpela,asalkan boleh gak difahami..

seyat
budak baru nak belajar..kita kena selalu guide dia..xdela pelat sgt..tapi mggu ni kakak x berapa sihat la..demam..

maafkan andai ku tak sempurna

I know lately I've been so annoying person..

Moody, bad-temper, perengus, no sense of humour, stressful, etc..

Forgive me my love, my girls..

I've tried my best to change this bad manners.Sometimes it just doesn't work.

Not to blaim the pregnancy..or the baby inside.All mothers love their kids, even still inside the womb..it just the hormone changes...

Untuk lebih memahami keadaan ini, let me explain a little bit on my feelings, daily routine.

I start my day around 6:30 am, dalam keadaan mabuk2, rasa nak muntah sebab perut kosong.I seldom get good sleep, after so many distractions during nightime..Arissa mengigau, both crying for milk, sound from outside, snoaring sounds, empty stomach plus I memang jenis payah lelap..So all this contribute to my dizziness upon wake up.

after shower bersilat nak siapkan diri (nasib baik jenis tak bermekap!), anak2 dan gosok baju.sejak anak 2 dan berbadan 2 ni, baju jarang dapat gosok during weekend.pagi2 tu la br nk iron semua.breakfast?memang takdan!

ding dong ding dong dah pukul 1tghari..ni pun jadi masalah..kenapa?sebab tekak ni selalu x berselera makanan di kantin..jemu, bosan!tengok lauk pun dah tau rasanya..bukan kufur rezeki Allah, tapi bila menu/makanan yg sama kita hadap utk 5 tahun, 4x sehari (breakfast/morning teabreak/lunch/afternoon teabreak), salah ke jika diri ni jelak dgn menu nya..I rather sleep than eating there.nape x makan kt luar?45mins just dont enough to go out.

kerja kerja dan kerja KRIIIINGGGG!!!!dah 5:30pm.

my waiting time just started..waiting to be fetched, the latest around 6:35.there was a time until almost 8pm.

sampai rumah melayan kerenah anak2 ku, sambil tgn ligat menyediakan dinner.sempoi dinner, not even a complete set of dish.soalan lagi..nape x makan kat luar je..again, tekak ni xleh terima kalau hari2 makan kat kedai..penat melayan kerenah budak berdua tu kat kedai makan lagi..plus x tau mana tempat nk makan. actually my tastebud is not the fussy one, in fact I'm very pleased.asal ade rasa masin, pedas sikit, tak berminyak okla tu..but my hubby experienced from previous pregnancies that my tastebud turns to western food, fruits, salad, pasta etc blablabla..so everytime masak kat umah pon kenala kurangkan sgt2 minyaknye..goreng2 telur, sayur semua pakai olive oil!bila dah siap masak, tak brp lalu plak nk makan..maklumla, masakan sendiri..sambil masak sambil merasa.badan dah start exhausted..anak2 mula meragam,adik nk tidur, kakak nk tgk tv..ummi nk tidur, kakak cakap "ummi jgnla tidur...jaga kakak...kakak nk tenok tv"....bila suh tgk ngan abah, xnak..ummi mula naik darah..suara pun dah high pitch..adik plak menangis2 dgr suara kakak..badan bertambah exhausted..end up sang suami yg sedang berehat dimarahi..sometimes x perasan pun dia tgh melipat pakaian, mengemas2 rumah..kakak yg menangis dicubit dan adik yg merengek dimarahi..

maafkan ummi wahai anak2ku

maafkan daku wahai cik abang

harap bersabar dgn keadaan diri ini

this is not the real me

Hectic

Hectic week.For past 3 weeks, sungguh mencabar rasanya.

Packing barang2 nk balik Kelate untuk 4 hari pon amik masa 2-3 hari.Nasib baik naik flight Fireflyz.Mula2 lipat baju2 budak berdua tu, pastu asingkan yang nk masuk beg. Tapi ade screening plak, kena reduce bilangannya bila kira betul2 4 hari punya usage.Takut beg tak muat.Pastu susun balik, mana xnk simpan dalam gobok. Kira pampers plak.Average 6-7 keping sehari, bawak extra takut terlebih2 memerut.Pastu budget susu, botol, puting extra, ubat2, toiletteries,makanan Aqilah, tidbit kakak...Lupa plak baju tu kena classified baju siang, baju jalan2, baju malam, stokin, spender, topi, lampin, towel blablabla.......Pastu sumer disusun ikut beg nak bawak, beg baju, beg check in, hand luggage, beg susu etc. Walaupun nampak simple tapi remehnya Allah je tau..nasib baik dah biasa sebab balik Kelate agak sokmo.So calculation dan arrangementnya sumer ade dalam kepala.Memang lumrahnya ade anak kecik kan..tapi mengemas dalam keadaan balik kerja, mabuk lagi, anak kecik yg nak dilayan...memang meletihkan.Nasib baik time tu dapur tak berasap!kalau tak pengsan mak kat beg2 ngan baju selonggok tu.

A week after pulak packing lagi, kali ni balik Ipoh, my cousin's wedding. Nasib baik 2 hari je, so just pack necessary things. Tapi letih beb, kerja ofis berlambak, kena prepare presentation slide lagi. Sudahnya kul 3 pagi baru gerak.Nasib baik puteri berdua tu lena beradu sepanjang perjalanan.

So this week I'm not going anywhere. Nak dok umah je.Bersantai di rumahku syurgaku.

p/s time letih giller tu terbayang syoknya ade orang gaji..suruh iron baju, kemas rumah, mop lantai, layan anak..tapi time ok, lain plak...I can do it, I'm strong woman and mother chess!!

::..::..::..::

Bohsan betul buka facebook sekarang.in fact dari dulu bosan.aku ni memang takde laptop, so teramatla jarangnya online fb.sometimes bila ade chance ngendeng laptop adik baru la dapat tgk perkembangan sikit. Ade certain thing yang buat aku bohsan bila bukak fb. Disebabkan aku juga tgh bohsan sekarang (berapa byk bosan daaa...)maka aku akan list down benda2 yg annoying dlm fb tu:

Bohsan 1.

orang yang asik post wall bagitau aktiviti dia...nak mandi pon tulih situ.nak makan, nak masuk jamban, nak itu nak ini sumer nak tulih situ..hello..small2 routine thing takyahla nk bgtau semua!peliknya ade plak yang respond ape yg ditulis.tu yg buat dia syok nak melaporkan semua.

Bohsan 2

Keluh kesah isteri2 (selalunya laa..)yang dok berjauhan dengan suami..rindu la..cinta la..lagi satu kalau laki dia outstation ke oversea ke..bukan main babai2 dalam tu padahal bukan tak jumpa sebelum pergi.ni selalunya wanita2 la yang post wall ni, guys jarang la aku nampak.

Bohsan 3

Orang yang selalu merepot gadget failure dia..iphone rosak la, blackberry not functioning la..laptop itu la ini la..pastu software (yang pelik2 la) atau ntahapahapa nama teknologi terkini tu..memang aku ni x pandai sgt teknologi canggih ni.in fact haram x jeles pun dengan gadget diorang tu.cuma nyampah bila orang yg sama keep on posting the same issue.ye la gaji besar la baru dapat gadget2 canggih tu.

Bohsan 4

Orang yg kita tau kerjanya asik travel kt oversea je..bukan based in Malaysia.kejap2 menayang flight ticket dia, showing that the next destination to travel.pastu post something like "seronoknya menghirup kopi di Europe..."(example)ala..suka la bila org respond tanya macam2..another kind yang asik melancong pon sama.sumerla nak report dalam tu.

Bohsan 5

Orang yang bohsan gak..tak tau nak masak ape...tak tau nak buat ape..hari yang membosankan...come on la wei..do something if u bored.x boring ke ngadap je fb tu?

Bohsan 6

Manusia yang suka sangat jual barang2 kat fb.Bagus berniaga tapi bila terlampau banyak benda yg dijual, kita yang nengok (x baca pon) rimas.kejap2 post wall pasal barang jualan.nak je aku delete dari friend list.

Bohsan 7

Orang yang melepaskan perasaan marah/sakit hati/bengang dengan write something on wall. ni kira ok la sikit daripada semua yg kat atas tu..mungkin dia lonely, betul2 tension..but i'm still not attracted to read it.

Tapi kalau xde la semua orang yg membohsankan macam kat atas, xde plak la customer facebook.mungkin aku ni prejudis sebab I'm not that type to write and report every single thing in it.Ntah2 aku pon terjebak once started. For me facebook good in a way that we can trace back our old friends, keep in touch and get their latest news. Lain orang lain ragamnya. That's the nature of human being which makes me realize not easy to satisfy other people. Lantak le.That's why I prefer to write blog, mana dapat nk post wall macam ni kat fb.silap2 kena hentam balik kaw-kaw punya!

Birth story_part 2:Aqilah

Unlike Arissa, my second labour was waaay easier (not easier to push anyway, it was less panick and controllable)..

Here goes the story..

My due date was scheduled at 10th June 2010. But on 22/5/2010 I noticed the uncomfortable feeling. I went for A&C on that day and been told that it was 2cm dilated already. However Dr Siti said still early for admission and allow me to go to office on Monday, just monitor any sign of delivering. She also gave optional for me in case I feel want to rest for the whole week, she would give MC to my husband when he drop by to hospital (woohoo!!). My choice? x tau lagi. Just wait for Monday.

Monday 24/5/2010 morning:makin rasa tak selesa..berjalan rasa berat je..so ummi decide nak pergi hospital pagi ni.lepas hantar Arissa rumah ibu, abah bawak g hospital.abah ambik half day leave sebab ade kerja nak kena settle.barang semua dah standby dalam kereta, in case nk bersalin anytime. sampai hospital, Dr Siti check dah 3 cm. so dia advise to be admitted.

So I kena bersalin hari ni ke doctor?

It depends on your condition.kita tunggu sampai ade contraction. If not today, probably tomorrow..

Memang ummi takde rasa contraction langsung, even jalan dah bukak 3cm.Kalau ikutkan belum lagi tapi ummi takut tiba2 nk bersalin, time tu dok umah sorang2 atau kt ofis...so many possibilities so I chose safer way..to be admitted earlier.and according to gynae, my 2nd delivery will be faster and easier as the way for baby already there.

sampai petang xde contraction.

still waiting any sign.

but no.

Delivering is very optional in your case.if u feel ready, I can assist you to deliver by today. then everything finish, easier. If u can wait maybe we can give u few days. It depends on you.

if today meaning that u have to force labour is it?bagi ubat?

yes dear

then I choose to wait until tomorrow.

So tomorrow morning I will check again, if still no contraction I will induce you since your servics already opened.

Sepanjang malam ummi diziarahi oleh staff nurse, nurse, trainee etc.ade yg check darah, bagi ubat, hantar makanan, cuci bilik dan macam2 lagi..abah balik sebab amik Arissa dan nenek. pastu kena antar nenek balik sebab nak jaga Arissa.tapi ummi tidur sorang2.yang paling menakutkan bila staff nurse datang n check ummi..

puan, saya nk check ye.hmm..baru 2 cm ni..baby pun tinggi lagi, belum turun ke bawah..ade rasa contraction tak?(sambil belek2 mesin contraction tu)

xde rasa..tapi dr Siti kata dah 3cm lebih..

hmm..baru 2 cm ni..tapi xpe..saya akan pecahkan air ketuban puan ye..mungkin sakit sikit..

what...!!!ummi selalu dengar kalau kena paksa pecah waterbeg ni sakit sangat...huhuhu xnakla macam ni...

sakit tak nanti nurse?

sakit sikit, puan tahan ye (sambil mengeluarkan batang kayu lebih kurang 10cm dan.....)

masyaAllah..I rather it to be normal and semulajadi..if only I could turn back time.

25/5/2010

Pagi2 abah dah sampai.lepas breakfast 2 keping wholegrain bread ummi diberi ubat buang air besar.Dalam pukul 10pagi, Dr Siti datang utk check. Then staff nurse datang utk bawa ke labour room..Ya Allah, permudahkanlah proses kali ini..ampunkan segala dosa hambamu ini.semoga perjuangan untuk melahirkan seorang lagi umat Muhamad ini selamat dengan pertolonganMu..itulah yg ulang2 kali ummi baca dalam hati..

still no contraction.

ummi mula terfikir, cepat sangat ke ummi decide nak bersalin?

baby kecil ye..dalam 2kg lebih tapi xpe..kita akan start drip ye puan.

the moment they induced, I couldnt explain the pain.sakit teramat sampai menitik air mata..then kena pegang kayu untuk tahan sakit..abah asyik lap airmata ummi.nurse asyik tanya boleh tahan tak, nak ubat tak..then at last dia bagi sedut gas..

gas tu buat ummi high...lali..then ummi tanya abah.

gas apa ni bang??

gas bagi high tu..

xnakla sedut lagi..jadi weng kepala..ngantuk ni..abang cakap ngan sya k..keep on talking to me..

puan boleh tidur sekejap kalau nak..(nurse menyampuk)

yang, abang g makan kejap ye..kat kedai..nanti abang datang balik..

ok..cepat ye..

Masa tu jam pukul 12lebih, dekat kul 1.makin menjadi2 sakitnya..then bila Dr Siti check dia kata drip kuat sangat..so dia suruh slow down the rate..barulah lega..

Suddenly lepas 15minit contraction makin kuat..nurse kelam kabut datang, panggil Dr..Diorang keep on assisting to push, ummi panik gak tapi cuba bertenang..abah tiba2 sampai entah dari mana..lega sikit dia ade..alhamdulillah, dalam 3 kali teran keluarlah seorang baby girl yang sangatla comelnya..kecik sangat 2.22kg tapi sempurna..kulit slightly darker than Arissa tapi rambut hitam lebat..

Kali ni takde tumpah darah...everything as normal.in fact setengah jam lepas proses menjahit ummi sendiri naik wheelchair utk ditolak masuk ward.compare the 1st time, I totally collapsed.kena angkat dari katil bila masuk ward.malam tu pun tidur sendirian.

So officially I'm a mother of 2 little adorable girls..

Now cant wait to write on

Birth story_part 3:???

Yes..Insyaallah somewhere in Sept/Oct 2011.EDD 26/9/2011..

Alhamdulillah....

Birth story_part 1: Arissa

Since I have been to labour room twice, I would like to jot down my experience delivering my little girls. So that when they grow up, they will know how thing happened along the way to bring them to this world.

Jumaat, 9/11/2007
Ummi pergi kerja macam biasa, kalau ikut perkiraan lagi 3 minggu due date. Everything as normal, takde sakit2. Dalam kul 10:30, ummi pergi tea break di kantin company. Lepas 20minit, masuk ofis dan mulalah rasa asyik nak pergi tandas. Kencing, tapi peliknya macam x puas2. setengah jam sekali g toilet. Sampai satu tahap, dalam kul 12 bila g toilet panties ummi basah. Alamak, ni dah kes terkucil ni (ummi ingat macam tu la)..then nak masuk ofis balik. Singgah jap tempat Kak Ana, story kat dia pastu suddenly dia dengan paniknya cakap ‘ehh...ko dah nak beranak ni... !!!’ ummi macam blur2..iye ke nak beranak ?x sakit apepun..pastu dia cakap lagi ‘ko taknak g hospital ke ??ko nak akak antar ke ?? ha ape dia ?xpela saya ok lagi ni...saya boleh pergi sendiri (sambil nk amik belonging at my place). My boss pulak tanya ‘Aishah,are you OK ?? ‘ yes, i’m ok. Don’t worry, anyway I’m going to hospital now. Again, kak Ana yang panic berkejar ke tempat ummi sambil offer diri nak antar. It’s ok kak, saya ok. Sebelum keluar singgah toilet jap, grabbed cotton rag (kreatif plak sebab terpikir nak lapik seat takut kena darah).dalam kereta berkira2 nak balik umah jap sebab nak amik air selusuh ngan makanan sikit.sempat call abah bgtau keadaan, dia suh g hospital cepat sebab dia xde transport. Masa naik tangga nk masuk umah kat Sek 7 tu dah start rasa sakit, macam nk buang air besar, memulas-mulas. Dapat je air selusuh, on the way ke pintu, darah menitis kat kaki..Ya Allah, tiba2 jadi panic tengok darah. Ummi cuba bertenang, lock rumah, masuk kereta dan start drive. Masa nilah start contraction, terasa memulas sangat perut, tak selesa. Bimbang jadi apa2, ummi baca ayat2 Quran, ayat Kursi dan segala ayat yg teringat sambil menyelitkan cotton rag tadi kat celah peha.Dekat Sek 19, dah nak sampai hospital ade construction plak..jammed sikit, alhamdulillah still boleh gerak. Bila dah sampai hospital, ramai patient tggu gynae Dr Siti. Ummi cakap dengan nurse “nurse, saya rasa dah nak bersalin ni…” puan tunggu dulu ye..doktor ade patient..jap lagi saya panggil…Okla, dah orang suh tggu jap..tapi pas 3 minit ummi tak tahan…”nurse, saya dah nak bersalin ni…tengok ade darah meleleh ni…’terkejut badak nurse tu…haa…puan dah nk bersalin ni..cepat dok atas wheelchair ni..(eleh, tadi aku dah bgtau ko buat dek je!suh tggu la) saya ingat nak jumpa Dr Siti je..(laa..kan dah bgtau nak bersalin!ko ni kena jumpa pakar telinga ni-cakap dalam hati laa)Dr Siti plak:’eh you kan baru datang last Wednesday, where’s your husband??you datang macammane?let me check your opening”..
It was 5 cm dilated already!!So I was immediately brought to labour room at 1noon. Sakitnya hanya Allah tahu..contraction demi contraction. Abah sampai lepas je ummi masuk labour room. Memang sakit nak mengeluarkan sebuah nyawa anugerah Allah ni, rasa nyawa kita pon nak tercabut..Tepat2 4:13pm, Arissa selamat dilahirkan lepas beberapa kali push alhamdulillah…terkejut masa doc letak Arissa atas perut ummi sambil dia tarik keluar uri. Syukur tak terhingga..
Tapi ceritanya tak habis di situ…ummi bleeding (tumpah darah)agak teruk.kalau normal orang hilang darah 200ml, ummi hilang 1000ml..dah borderline nak masuk darah lain.badan rasa lemah, sedar tapi tak bermaya..kejap rasa panas, kejap sejuk, kejap rasa weng kepala..boleh dengar conversation between abah & dr Siti
Kenapa dengan wife saya doctor?
I pun x sure kenapa..rahim dia suppose dah mengecut and stop the bleeding but blood still come out..
Is there anything that she taken before?ubat, jamu?
Takde doctor..
Then I suppose we have to wait.. I think she will be fine..pls ask her to rest..
Ummi hanya boleh pandang diorang berdua…rasa sayup2 je suara..then ummi tanya abah"baby mana bang?bawa sini boleh?nak tengok…dia tak menyusu lagi…
“kejap, nurse tengah bersihkan…abang kuar kejap ye…sayang rest dulu…awak kena rehat, kalau tak darah tak berhenti...
Memang tak boleh nak tidur, rasa takut nak pejam mata..darah still keluar and I felt weaker..
Tiba2 mak masuk labour room..rasa nak menangis..mak ampunkan dosa anakmu ini..kalau ditakdirkan nyawa ni tak panjang…mak suruh rehat, bertenang..
Bila mak keluar, leaving me alone…badan tiba2 rasa sejuk..dengan lemahnya ummi panggil nurse, suruh matikan aircond sambil tanya ‘suami saya mana nurse?panggil dia…panggil dia…’
Kenapa la ummi takut sangat kan..rasa dah lama sangat dok dalam labour room..dari kul 1 sampai kul 8malam..
Abah datang bawak Arissa…Arissa tidur..mengalir airmata ummi tengok Arissa..You are such a beautiful gift from Allah…Sungguh tenang, damai melihatnya..tapi ummi tak bermaya nak pegang..teringin nk cium Arissa, nak belai, nak peluk..Kulit putih bersih, rambut hitam lebat..walaupun kecil 2.56kg tapi sempurna fizikal, sihat..bila ummi tengok abah, nampak dia tengah lap airmata dia..tak sanggup tengok ummi sakit agaknya..
Suddenly Dr Siti masuk..check ummi and cakap ‘I think she’s okay now..we can move her to ward”Alhamdulillah..Tepat 8:30 ummi masuk ward, mak, Mak Su, Mak Cik, Mak Long ramai lagi la ade.. tapi ummi masih blurry, asyik pegang tangan abah takut dia pergi mana2..kesian abah, sampai tak makan lagi..then mak datang bgtau ‘syah, zul tak makan lagi dari tadi..biar dia makan, nanti Nur tolong kamu buka contact lense dan bagi minum air OK’..
Ummi cuma larat minum air seteguk dua lepas tu terus tidur..dan esoknya bermulalah episode baru kehidupan ni sebagai seorang ummi kepada Arissa Zahirah Zulkeply…