maafkan andai ku tak sempurna

I know lately I've been so annoying person..

Moody, bad-temper, perengus, no sense of humour, stressful, etc..

Forgive me my love, my girls..

I've tried my best to change this bad manners.Sometimes it just doesn't work.

Not to blaim the pregnancy..or the baby inside.All mothers love their kids, even still inside the womb..it just the hormone changes...

Untuk lebih memahami keadaan ini, let me explain a little bit on my feelings, daily routine.

I start my day around 6:30 am, dalam keadaan mabuk2, rasa nak muntah sebab perut kosong.I seldom get good sleep, after so many distractions during nightime..Arissa mengigau, both crying for milk, sound from outside, snoaring sounds, empty stomach plus I memang jenis payah lelap..So all this contribute to my dizziness upon wake up.

after shower bersilat nak siapkan diri (nasib baik jenis tak bermekap!), anak2 dan gosok baju.sejak anak 2 dan berbadan 2 ni, baju jarang dapat gosok during weekend.pagi2 tu la br nk iron semua.breakfast?memang takdan!

ding dong ding dong dah pukul 1tghari..ni pun jadi masalah..kenapa?sebab tekak ni selalu x berselera makanan di kantin..jemu, bosan!tengok lauk pun dah tau rasanya..bukan kufur rezeki Allah, tapi bila menu/makanan yg sama kita hadap utk 5 tahun, 4x sehari (breakfast/morning teabreak/lunch/afternoon teabreak), salah ke jika diri ni jelak dgn menu nya..I rather sleep than eating there.nape x makan kt luar?45mins just dont enough to go out.

kerja kerja dan kerja KRIIIINGGGG!!!!dah 5:30pm.

my waiting time just started..waiting to be fetched, the latest around 6:35.there was a time until almost 8pm.

sampai rumah melayan kerenah anak2 ku, sambil tgn ligat menyediakan dinner.sempoi dinner, not even a complete set of dish.soalan lagi..nape x makan kat luar je..again, tekak ni xleh terima kalau hari2 makan kat kedai..penat melayan kerenah budak berdua tu kat kedai makan lagi..plus x tau mana tempat nk makan. actually my tastebud is not the fussy one, in fact I'm very pleased.asal ade rasa masin, pedas sikit, tak berminyak okla tu..but my hubby experienced from previous pregnancies that my tastebud turns to western food, fruits, salad, pasta etc blablabla..so everytime masak kat umah pon kenala kurangkan sgt2 minyaknye..goreng2 telur, sayur semua pakai olive oil!bila dah siap masak, tak brp lalu plak nk makan..maklumla, masakan sendiri..sambil masak sambil merasa.badan dah start exhausted..anak2 mula meragam,adik nk tidur, kakak nk tgk tv..ummi nk tidur, kakak cakap "ummi jgnla tidur...jaga kakak...kakak nk tenok tv"....bila suh tgk ngan abah, xnak..ummi mula naik darah..suara pun dah high pitch..adik plak menangis2 dgr suara kakak..badan bertambah exhausted..end up sang suami yg sedang berehat dimarahi..sometimes x perasan pun dia tgh melipat pakaian, mengemas2 rumah..kakak yg menangis dicubit dan adik yg merengek dimarahi..

maafkan ummi wahai anak2ku

maafkan daku wahai cik abang

harap bersabar dgn keadaan diri ini

this is not the real me